A lot has been happening. I know, there is always a lot happening at any one given moment. But between broken friendships, re-ignited love relationships, busted users, errant household helps, school playground bullies…..phew! A lot has happened.
There was a time I literally lived on the go. Crazy was my middle name. I know a few people who still live like that. I kinda envy them. I mean who jumps on a bus out of town to visit a friend? And no, not a lover but a Girlfriend.
One evening, i randomly jumped onto a bus to Jinja-just because…
I hadn’t planned it. It was a thought and less than 20 minutes later i was headed out of town. Beautiful- the journey was.
Got me a new attire and another. Sadly, I lost my ‘another’ on one of those said crazy middle of the night trips out of town. Sad.
At some point in recent history, i thought i was a writer… (Like really? Me, a writer? Laughable- I know it is) But I turned one of my Facebook timelines into a page
. And now, I have this audience and am worried i will starve all of them out of the theater. (what i do best anyway)-
Allow me a moment of self pity now, will you?. Thank you.
Somewhere in the mix of a lot happening, I ‘bumped’ into an ex-communicated lover. Hmmm! Of course, anyone who’s done the bumping experiences a range of emotions. There is that heavy thump thump in your chest- And it can mean a lot. Unless otherwise, you go from exhilaration to anger to a host of other things. Well, my this person, brought along a lot of those. And it didn’t make matters easier considering the fact that they were going through a rough patch in their right now relationships.
Honestly, I did consider a “for old times’ sake” run but after a lunch date and conversations that were totally opposite. They only seemed to remember the good times and for some reason they sounded made up to me.
Because after my heart quieted some and i could hear my brain- all i seemed to remember was the pain. And My contribution to the memories was the painful ones. so, at the end of the meal, we parted ways, promising to do this again, even go out of town together.
I have not dialed his number yet, neither has he mine. Oh, well, there is a reason we are apart after all. Hmmm!
Sigh!!! A lot.
Is it possible for someone to have so much running through their mind but just can’t put that much on paper or actions? does it ever happen to anyone out there?
How is it possible that I’ve skeletoned whole encyclopedias… yes… in the middle of the night but when the lights come on- nothing shows.
Or, that I’ve come up with speeches to present to those people i really believe are around for nothing more than their selfish interests but when I meet them… am all smiles and blushes and yes sir.
Oh, what will become of me? I wonder. What will really become of me?
So, today, I had decided to paint. Yes, paint. Bearing in mind that the best fine art mark i ever got was 45/100. That was my best. Even then, I believe the teacher was very lenient on me. Because, not even i could recognize my piece. Had no idea what I had drawn. But that was because the teacher then didn’t give us the abstract option.
art that does not attempt to represent external, recognizable reality but seeks to achieve its effect using shapes, forms, colors, and textures
I made up my mind that today, i would get all the color i could come up with and come up with the most perfect painting my eyes have ever seen. I tried. and tried and did the trying some more.and all i had on my painting was black ink. or paint or whatever it is i had and now here I am. Wishing I hadn’t planned or made up my mind at all. Wishing, I had not thought about making anything but instead jumped onto that painting bus when the idea hit this morning.
I am wishing I didn’t miss having a partner in my life. I’m wishing and wishing I didn’t have that lunch date. Am wishing and I will wish some more. Though I know the wishes will not make anything happen. Or change anything.
No resolutions though. Lemme just present my ugly painting and go to bed. I wont hope for a better day tomorrow or harder inspiration with my head meeting my headrest but I will look forward to waking up in the morning. Tomorrow morning, that I can look forward to.